I can always be distracted by love, but eventually I get horny for my creativity.

Days until audition: 18

Audition Progress: Dickity balls. (This is a slight improvement.)

(Yes, I've joined Twitter. But only for the celebrity stalker value. Shaq!)

You know how hard it is to create a sketch in only two double-spaced pages (aka ONE FUCKING PAGE)? Hard. Dick hard. Conjugal visit dick hard. There's literally no room for expletive (or any narrative), I might as well cram in as many one-liners as I can. I guess I don't really need to worry about story or flow or characters.

Here, how about some sample dialogue?

"Shuttlecock? I barely know her!"

"Oh no! That soup was for the President!"

"Nuts to that, I'm going Danish-style."

"You're pretty for a man."

"Fornicate. Parakeet. Fornikeet."

"Zinger!"

"And that's how Nancy Grace was born."

Okay, enough of that. I'm losing my mind already, awesome.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next." - Gilda Radner.