Are You the Keymaster?

Considering no one reads this, for the humourous musings or the serious business I discuss within the virtual pages, I figure I can start to use this space to rant a little bit more, without irritating anyone except for the Internet's TubeMasters or whoever monitors the World Wide Web.

So, it's now 2009, and I can say with complete conviction that 2008 was the most ridiculous year of my young life. Both good and bad, new and exciting and scary and sad and rich and fresh, and a lot more ands. I've made people smile, and cry. In this shiny new year, I plan to do more of the former and less of the latter.

Usually, I hate New Year's Resolutions and never thought about them, made them, or broke them. But this year is different, in so many ways. This year really is a fresh start, and I'm not afraid to start again. I now realize that I didn't have New Year's Resolutions, because I had no goals and no desire to have goals. And, again, this year is different. I'm not going to kid myself into thinking I'm going to completely change myself as a person, but it's nice to have a direction to go in. So, I guess we'll see. As I begin to compile the yearly to-do list, I repeat what appears to have been my mantra for this past annum: Here goes.

1. Get It Together, Sholdice: Let's focus, let's succeed. It's your first year, you've got to make it out alive. Hopefully with some decent grades to show for it.

2. Build up the Yuk Shack: Just because people tell you that you're funny doesn't mean you can do it for a living. Let's prove it.

3. Dance With Me: You've found it. Let's hold on to it.

4. The Kansas Ink: Just get the damn thing already.

5. Back to Thirty: Go back to 30 Rockefeller Plaza. Conan, SNL, Tina.

6. Revenge of the Nerds: Build up that comic collection, buy some video games. You're falling behind in geek points.

7. Diet PC Cola: Just drop a few more. Tina was 127 lbs, but that was three seasons ago and she's 5'4 and 1/2, you're not.

That's about all I have, actually. 

The more I stop to think about it, the happier I become.

I'm so fucking goddamn lucky. How did this happen to me? ... Not that I'm complaining.

This year. Yes. Let's fuck this year up, olde style.