Our Girlfriends Are Most Chaste!

2 years later:

1. How tall are you barefoot? How tall are oompa-loompas? Yeah, around there.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? I've done a lot o' things.
3. Do you own a gun? If you can't see it, it's not illegal.
4. Rehab? Yes. For everything. Twice.
5. Do you get nervous before "meeting the parents"? No, I've met mine a few times. Okay, maybe a little.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? Usually, I think "Oh no, the stench. Why God?!". But when I'm walking through campus and haven't eaten anything for a while, the hot dog stand is heaven on wheels. And a bun.
7. What's your favorite Christmas song? Muppet Christmas Carol. The whole. Damn. Thing.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Meat.
9. Do you do push-ups? I can do over a thousand. I'm doing them right now.
10. Have you ever done ecstasy? No way, man, I get high on life. And drugs. 
11. Do you kiss on the first date? I can't say I've ever had a "date." I'll get back to you on that one.
12. Do you like painkillers? I like pain. I like to kill. I'm going to have to say yes.
13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? Two knives. "Secret" is the same as "concealed", right?
14. Do you own a knife? One question ago. Keep up!
15. Do you have A.D.D.? Yes, I am answering this question. Now I am riding a bike. Now I am playing with dogs. Now I am riding dogs.
16. Date Of Birth? Well, it all started in Nineteen-Ought-Four, we had to say "ought" because the Kaiser had stolen our word twenty, and we chased him for Ought-Six miles to get it back. 
17. Top 3 thoughts at this exact moment: Metric. Beards. Script?
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought: They were all edible. They were all edibled.
19. Name five drinks you regularly drink: Water, Coke, Water, Ice Cubes, Coke.
20. What time did you wake up? It takes me about 10-15 minutes to get to class. So about 10-15 minutes before class.
21. Current hair? Be-hatted.
22. Current worry? The usual worries of the ultra-famous, you know. Waffles, unemployment.
23. Current hate? Writer's block. Got no funnies on my mind grapes.
24. Favorite place to be? Wheresoever I laugh the most. Currently, that would be the internet.
25. Least favorite place to be? Wheresoever I cry the most. Often, that would be the internet.
26. Where would you like to go? Yes. Anywhere.
27. Do you own slippers? Yes, I am a comedy legend. So, naturally, banana peels.
28. Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs? I'll be nearly thirty! That is terrifying.
29. Do you burn or tan? I'm a comedy legend. I don't go outside.
30. Last thing you ate? I'm a comedy legend. Meat.
31. Would you be a pirate? No, I do not think so. Too many 14 year olds would fall in love with me. Then I would have to steal their valuables, rape their loved ones and either kill or enslave them. 
32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink? Commencement. Commence WHAT? Commence drinking.
33. What songs do you sing in the shower? Lately, Simon and Garfunkel, but I change the words to be about showering. "So here's to you, Herbal Essences. My hair will be so silky thanks to you, ooh ooh ooh!"
34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? My own dolls. Thanks, Child's Play.
35. What's in your pockets right now? 41 cents. Now who needs a Suger Mama?
36. Last thing that made you laugh? "We used to be pussweeds, but now we're metal. SO GET OVER HERE AND PUT OUT!" Bill and Ted, absolute gold. It won Best Picture, right? RIGHT?

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child? Little Mermaid and Baby Sheep. I am so awesome.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? Apartment- 2. At home- 5. We likes our TV.
41. Who is your loudest friend? Nearly all of them.
42. Who is your most silent friend? Not too many, but I think Miss Kelly and Sir Andrew are the most quiet.
43. Does someone have a crush on you? I think so? I hope so. 
45. What is your favorite book? Currently, David Copperfield and Watchmen.
46. What is your favorite candy? The kind what has the sugars.
47. What song do you want played at your wedding? Bowie. Bowie all the way. Doesn't even matter, any Bowie.
48. What song do you want played at your funeral? Scenes From My Funeral by Of Montreal, or Here I Come by The Roots.
49. What were you doing 12:00am last night? Why? You can't prove anything.
50. Do you love the pain of tattoos? Don't know, probably not, wouldn't mind finding out.