I'm an ideas man, Michael. I think I proved that with "Fuck Mountain".

Days until audition: less than 12 hours.

Audition progress: Done? Oh god, I hope so.

Headshots printed.

Putting the final revisions on my sketch, which is a shorter, simplified version 2.0 of Rod and Mitch episode one. The characters have been reformatted. They are slightly less obnoxiously bumbling and the signs of mental impairment have significantly decreased. There isn't a lot of room for characterization, so I had to simplify the already-simple fellows. It has been re-dubbed "The Veto Game" and is 2 pages in length, double spaced (aka super, duper short). 

My stand-up? Well, let's just hope I can wow them with my sketch. And the interview. And the improv.

Wake up, print sketch, get bus tokens, bus to Downsview, subway to St. George, west to Kipling, on the 44 bus to campus, find D building, find room, don't crash and burn. Hey, so now I'm basically done, I just havetozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Life of Worry

Days until audition: 8

Audition progress: Hope. Distant, ugly hope.

First improv workshop at York on Friday.

Oh, and I'm running it.

What?

Well, a good chance to stretch my legs at this whole improv game, and maybe get some sketch/stand-up feedback, too. 

I ran into former Huron Countian-turned-Humber Comic-turned-comedian on the subway. He gave me hope for my admission chances. I breathed a deep, almost sensual sigh of relief. 

So I need to plan out this improv meet, edit and improve my pitiful stand-up and choose and perfect a sketch for submission. 

One last thought:

What's more funny: Sacrilege or bros?

This is important, I swear.

Auf weidersehen, you chucklefucks.

ps. I really hope you aren't dense enough to not have realized that all the titles are links, but chances are that this is the case for some of you. 

"If you only click one title link in your lifetime, make it this one!" -Billy Mays*. 

You don't want to disappoint Billy Mays, do you? You don't want to fucking piss off BILLY GODDAMN MAYS, do you?

*Actually me.

Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig, but then later on you realize he actually has a really good body.

I almost have it narrowed down.

Edward Norton (minus the swastika)

Christian Bale (minus the gay tanning booth)

James Franco (more scruff)

Jake Gyllenhaal

Cillian Murphy (longer hair, more scruff)

Ewan McGregor (less shirt)

Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie

Paul Rudd

Simon Pegg

Well, for now anyways.

I can always be distracted by love, but eventually I get horny for my creativity.

Days until audition: 18

Audition Progress: Dickity balls. (This is a slight improvement.)

(Yes, I've joined Twitter. But only for the celebrity stalker value. Shaq!)

You know how hard it is to create a sketch in only two double-spaced pages (aka ONE FUCKING PAGE)? Hard. Dick hard. Conjugal visit dick hard. There's literally no room for expletive (or any narrative), I might as well cram in as many one-liners as I can. I guess I don't really need to worry about story or flow or characters.

Here, how about some sample dialogue?

"Shuttlecock? I barely know her!"

"Oh no! That soup was for the President!"

"Nuts to that, I'm going Danish-style."

"You're pretty for a man."

"Fornicate. Parakeet. Fornikeet."

"Zinger!"

"And that's how Nancy Grace was born."

Okay, enough of that. I'm losing my mind already, awesome.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next." - Gilda Radner.